Today marks 24 days sober, and honestly… I feel really good.

Not in a wild, euphoric way - just this calm, steady kind of good. Mentally, I feel clear and grounded. Physically, I’m a bit tired, but that feels okay. For the first time in a long while, I feel like I’m actually living in the present - and I’m enjoying it.

This morning, my thoughts started circling as soon as I woke up. So I texted Jessie - just to get everything out of my head. I wrote this long, rambling message, trying to explain these thoughts that have been sitting in the background for a while.

They’re not new thoughts, but somehow they feel clearer now. I still don’t know exactly how things will happen, but I believe they will - and I’m starting to see, just a little, how it might all unfold. I trust that the “how” will become clearer in time.

After my morning brain dump to Jessie, I went to a spin class, and then took Noah out for a hot chocolate at a little café we’d never been to before. Luke took Flynn on his bike to Sainsbury’s to grab dinner, and it was just me and Noah.

And I was really present.

I noticed everything about him - his little smile, his curious eyes, the way he watches people around him. And I just sat there thinking, 'God, this is so nice'.

Why couldn’t I feel this before?

Usually, my mind would be half somewhere else - thinking about work or what I needed to do later. But today, there was none of that noise. It didn’t even cross my mind.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m not drinking anymore, or if something shifted after my session with Jessie. But something has shifted. I just trust that whatever needs to get done will get done - that it’s all going to be okay.

On People, Identity, and That “Blue Dot”

I’ve been thinking a lot about people lately - especially those in high-powered jobs or constantly in the public eye. At the end of the day, they’re just people.

There’s no real difference between someone earning millions and someone living on benefits. Both have emotions, fears, and dreams. Their lives may look different on the surface, but at their core, they’re simply human - shaped by their experiences, their thoughts, and the stories they carry.

I remember hearing about a high-powered banker who took his own life. You hear stories like that all the time - the successful businessperson whose whole identity was wrapped up in their title. But when that title disappears, what’s left?

That’s why it’s so important to stay connected to your inner self - that quiet blue dot at your core. Because you’re not your job, or your income, or your achievements. You’re not your productivity. You’re so much more than that. Yet so many people forget, tying their entire sense of self to what they do instead of who they are.

And I guess you always need hope, right? That quiet belief that things can get better - that even when it feels like everything is falling apart, maybe it’s really just falling into place.

But it’s hard to hear that blue dot when your thoughts are loud and restless. That’s why some people take antidepressants or medication - to quiet the noise, the constant swirl of thoughts, just enough to finally hear their real selves again. That calm knowing underneath it all.

I still haven’t fully figured out how to quiet that noise on my own… but that’s something Jessie helps me with.

Learning to Listen

I think the more I’ve been tuning into that blue dot, the more present I’ve become - with my family, and with life in general.

Because deep down, I know that being constantly busy, striving, or working late into the night isn’t what defines me.

It’s not what I’m here for.

I’m here to be present. To notice Noah’s smile over a hot chocolate. To feel the stillness of a quiet Sunday morning. To trust that even when I don’t have all the answers, I’m still exactly where I’m meant to be.

24 days sober - and for the first time in a long time, I feel awake. 🩷