Okay, so recently I've been feeling pretty rubbish.

It happens from time to time - I get overwhelmed, retreat into myself, and convince myself that I’m better off handling everything alone. That I need to sort myself out, fix everything around me, and then maybe I can show my face again.

Look, deep down, I know that’s not really true.

But in the moment? It feels true. And then I start searching for proof - and when you go looking for evidence that you’re not enough, you’ll find it. Everywhere.

When life piles up - work stress, expectations, that ever-growing to-do list - the negative thoughts start creeping in. And once they’re in, they settle. I start asking myself: What am I even doing? Am I adding any value? Am I letting people down? The pressure builds. And instead of asking for help or slowing down, I shut myself off.

But sometimes - thankfully - I get pulled out of that space. Maybe someone insists on grabbing a coffee, or I bump into someone and end up chatting. And weirdly, that reminds me: I’m not great when I isolate myself. Cutting everyone off never ends well.

It takes me back to when I was younger - 17, in my last year of college. My family moved down south, but my twin brother and I stayed up north. He lived with a mate; I ended up alone in a bedsit. I told myself I was fine. That I didn’t need anyone. But, long story short… I wasn’t fine. Not even close.

That year, I moved house three times. The second move wasn’t so bad - I had people around me, and that made it bearable. The third time, I moved in with my friend and her mum. She took me in, looked after me, made sure I was okay. At seventeen, I didn’t have the emotional maturity to express how much that meant to me. I wish I had. I really do. But I never showed it. The truth is, I didn’t even know how to do life at that age. 

And then, without warning, she was gone. A brain tumour. My friend… it had always been just her and her mum. And suddenly, it was just her.

There’s someone I want to mention here - my chemistry teacher, Mrs. Mitra. She used to call me at my friend’s house just to check in, to see how I was doing. I have a hazy memory of my friend struggling with the loss of her mum - we were just two kids, alone in that house, trying to make sense of it all. Back then, I don’t think I truly understood the significance of those calls. But now, looking back, I realise how much it meant to know that someone, somewhere, was looking out for me.

The truth is, I don’t remember a lot from that year. But I do remember the bedsit and how lonely it felt. And how, without realising it, that year taught me something I still forget from time to time: I need people. Most of us do.

Lately, I’ve felt myself slipping into that old pattern again - trying to do it all alone, telling myself I should be able to handle everything without help. But the truth is, I can’t. And when I try, I end up burned out, grumpy, and stuck.

So I sat down the other day and thought: OK, what do I actually need right now?

And I decided to keep it really, really simple.

I've started getting up between 6 and 6:30 every morning. Nothing heroic. Just enough to give me structure.

I’ve started exercising every day - even if it’s just a little. Just moving my body.

I’ve stopped drinking in the evenings... again. (That’s a whole other blog post in itself.)

I’ve started cutting back on caffeine - because let’s be honest, pouring stress into a cup when you’re already stressed is never a great idea.

Right now, I’m just taking it one day at a time. If I can get through the day and stick to the habits that help me feel better, that’s a win. Just one day. That’s all I'm going for right now.

It’s the same approach I used during the Three Peaks Challenge. I remember standing at the base of Ben Nevis, looking up and thinking: This is just the beginning… we’ve got hours of this ahead.

But I had a little mantra that got me through: Don’t look up. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Every step forward was progress - no matter how small. Given everything that was going on at the time, and the reason I took on the challenge in the first place, I felt genuinely lucky just to be there. Lucky to have my health. Lucky to have the opportunity. Lucky to simply be able to put one foot in front of the other.

And guess what? We did it. We climbed all three peaks. It was exhausting, but amazing.

That’s the mindset I’m trying to carry with me right now. Not some huge breakthrough. Not some overnight transformation. Just one foot in front of the other. One day at a time.

Because if I try to fix everything all at once, I’ll crumble. I know I will. But if I just focus on a few key things every day - wake up early, move my body, do four hours of deep focus work, stay off the booze, and write down three things I’m grateful for - then I feel like I’m climbing again. Slowly. Steadily.

And honestly? I have so much to be grateful for. I get to do work I love. I’ve got a roof over my head. Two healthy boys who mean the world to me. My health. The freedom to choose, to grow, to try again. I guess that’s today’s gratitude list - and to be fair, I could keep adding to it. 

I know I’m lucky. I just need to keep reminding myself - and pull myself out of this spiral I’ve slipped into.

So my takeaway from all this? Don’t try to fix everything at once.

Maybe for some people, zooming out and looking at the big picture helps. But for me - and maybe for you too - right now, it’s better to just take it one step at a time.

Just one foot in front of the other.

Don’t look too far ahead.

Just focus on today.

And keep going. 🩷