Yesterday, a couple of things were really getting to me. They just sat in my head and wouldn’t shift, so I ended up writing a whole blog post about it. But today feels different. I feel calmer. Not because anything has changed, it hasn’t, it’s still annoying, but because I’ve realised that me being annoyed about it is just draining me. And no, I didn't publish the post.
If I think of myself like a battery, I probably used up a third of it yesterday just being frustrated about something I can't even control. All that energy, gone, for nothing. But I guess there are lessons in it, right? One of them I already knew, if I’m honest, but clearly needed reminding of. You have to let people misunderstand you.
As uncomfortable as that is, it’s going to happen. People will assume things that aren’t true. They’ll get the wrong idea. Sometimes they’ll even spread things that are completely off. And yeah, it’s frustrating. It really is. I’m not going to pretend I find that easy, because I don’t. But what is getting annoyed about it actually doing for you? Nothing. It doesn’t fix it. It doesn’t change their mind. It just eats away at your energy. So today I’ve kind of landed on this place of, okay, think what you want. Misunderstand me if you’re going to. And I guess that’s a lesson I need to keep learning over and over again, because people misunderstanding you is just part of life.
That doesn't mean you have no control. You still get to choose your boundaries. You can step away from people or situations that don't feel right. You don't owe everyone an explanation, and you definitely don't have to stay around people who think certain behaviours are acceptable when they don't sit right with you. Keep your circle small and filled with people you trust. Keep showing up with kindness and doing what aligns with who you are. Everything else is just noise.
And there’s so much noise. Opinions, assumptions, distractions, people projecting their own stuff onto you. If you don’t learn how to tune some of that out, it just takes over. But if you can block out what isn’t relevant, you suddenly have more time and energy for what actually matters to you. Maybe it’s like a muscle. The more you practise not reacting, not absorbing everything, the better you get at it. I’m not there yet, but at least I’ve realised I was letting outside noise drain me when I don’t have to. I can remove myself from those situations as much as possible. I can let people think what they want. I can choose to focus on what’s meaningful to me instead.
There was something else bothering me yesterday, and if I’m honest, it was probably affecting me even more. And maybe even writing about it gives it more energy than the people I’m frustrated with deserve. Still it's hard to ignore how frustrating it is to watch genuinely good people be treated badly, the kind who are thoughtful, who care, who try to do the right thing, only to see them taken advantage of or intimidated by someone who seems to have little regard for anyone but themselves.
I experienced this at my previous workplace and I saw it happen to my friend. It's crazy the impact one person can have. One person can shift the entire atmosphere, drain the energy from a room, affect a whole group, or quietly wear down one individual over time. And what gets me is not just that it happens, but how easily it's allowed to continue. How a small number of people, even just one individual, can create such a negative environment and it gets brushed off like it doesn't matter. But it does matter. There are real consequences to that kind of behaviour. When someone is constantly chipped away at, made to feel uncomfortable or unsure of themselves, or pulled into situations they never asked to be part of, that isn't something small. That's not something that should ever be normal. It shouldn’t be normal for people to feel like that at work, at home, or anywhere.
Some of the kindest, most genuine people are often the ones who struggle the most with anxiety or self doubt. They are so aware of other people. They notice everything. They care deeply. And sometimes that awareness turns inward and makes them question themselves more than they should. Meanwhile, there are people who appear confident and self assured but move through the world with very little awareness of how they affect others. The only person they seem to care about is themselves.
Sometimes I imagine what it would be like if those people had to feel what they inflict on others. If every time they made someone feel small, or anxious, or sad, they experienced even a fraction of that same emotion themselves. I wonder if, then, they would behave differently. Maybe they would treat others with more respect. And it also makes me think about how things might change if those who are affected could truly see their own worth. If they trusted themselves more and understood just how much value they bring simply by being who they are.
Maybe it all starts with a moment of clarity. A decision within yourself that you're no longer willing to accept anything that feels unhealthy, disrespectful, or misaligned with who you are.
Maybe the only real way forward is to build something different. Spaces that feel safe, supportive, and genuinely positive. Places where people can breathe, think clearly, and be themselves without second guessing every interaction. You bring in people who value that. You protect it. You become intentional about where your energy goes and who you allow into it.
Because at the end of the day, your energy is limited. And you get to decide what it is spent on. 🩷
