I've been thinking about something a lot recently. I wonder how many of us are living lives that are driven by push rather than pull. On the surface they can look exactly the same. You're still getting up, going to work, looking after the family, paying the bills and ticking things off your to-do list. But the energy behind them is completely different. One comes from pressure, the other comes from purpose. One leaves you feeling drained, the other somehow gives you more energy as you move towards it.

I think a lot of us spend our lives in push mode without even realising it. We push ourselves to work harder, earn more, be better parents, be healthier, keep everyone happy, answer every email, solve every problem and somehow hold everything together. Before you know it, life becomes one big management exercise. You're not just managing your diary, you're managing people's expectations, outcomes, conversations, emotions and all the "what ifs" that your brain keeps throwing at you. You wake up already thinking about what needs fixing before your feet have even touched the floor, and after a while you convince yourself that's just what being an adult feels like.

The funny thing is, push works... at least for a while. It builds businesses. It gets you promotions. It helps you survive difficult chapters of your life. In fact, I think most successful people have been pushed at some point in their lives. Sometimes it's because they're running away from something - a difficult childhood, financial worries, proving someone wrong or simply never wanting to go back to where they once were. That kind of pressure can create incredible momentum, but it also has a cost. It's like driving everywhere with your foot flat on the accelerator. Eventually you either run out of fuel or something starts to overheat.

Pull feels completely different. Pull isn't driven by fear or pressure; it's driven by curiosity, meaning and purpose. It's the work you lose track of time doing. It's the people who leave you feeling energised instead of exhausted. It's the projects you can't stop thinking about because they genuinely excite you. You're still putting the effort in, but it doesn't feel like you're dragging yourself uphill every single day. The work almost starts pulling you forwards rather than you forcing yourself towards it.

I think the problem is that when you've lived in push mode for long enough, you forget there's another way. You start believing that stress is just part of life. That exhaustion is normal. That feeling permanently busy somehow means you're living life the right way. But what if it isn't? What if that constant tension isn't a sign that you're on the right path? What if it's actually your body trying to tell you that something's out of alignment?

Our brains don't really help either. Their job is to keep us safe, so they analyse everything. They replay conversations, predict problems, compare us to other people and try to control outcomes that haven't even happened yet. Before long, life stops being something we experience and starts becoming something we manage. Even relationships can end up like this. At the beginning, relationships are usually led by the heart. You're generous with your time and you simply enjoy being around someone. But over time, it's amazing how easily your brain can take over. You start noticing who's making more effort, who's giving more than they're getting, and whether everything feels "fair". Without even realising it, connection slowly becomes accounting. 

And I don't think it's just relationships. I think we do the same thing with life. We analyse it instead of living it. We optimise it instead of enjoying it. We become so focused on controlling every outcome that we forget to ask a much simpler question: what actually gives me energy? What actually pulls me forwards? Because I don't think life is supposed to feel like one long list of obligations. Yes, there will always be hard moments and things we simply have to do, but if everything feels like pushing, maybe it's worth asking why.

The older I get, the more I realise that success isn't just about what you've built. It's about how it feels while you're building it. Push can absolutely create a life that looks successful from the outside, but pull creates a life that actually feels fulfilling on the inside. One keeps you functioning; the other keeps you connected to yourself.

So maybe that's the question worth asking. Not, "How can I push harder?" but, "What's pulling me?" What are the people, the projects and the moments that make you feel more alive rather than more exhausted? Because I have a feeling that's where the answers are. And maybe life becomes a little less about surviving and a little more about actually living when you stop forcing everything and start paying attention to what naturally wants to draw you forwards. 🩷