Have you ever seen that video where a teacher asks his class how heavy a glass of water is? The students guess different weights, but the answer isn't really about the weight at all. It depends on how long you hold it.
Hold it for a minute and it's fine. Hold it for an hour and your arm starts to ache. Hold it all day and it goes numb and you can't move it. Stress and thoughts work the same way. They're not always heavy in themselves, but when you hold onto them for too long they start to weigh you down. Keep gripping them and eventually you feel stuck, drained, like you just can't move forward.
I had my last session with Jessie yesterday and it came at a pretty good time. I've been feeling stressed lately and I've noticed it tends to show up during the school holidays. Not because anything is actually wrong, but because of what's going on in my head.
There’s a voice I’ve carried with me for years that tells me to work hard, keep going, keep pushing. But then there’s another voice that gets louder at times like this, telling me I need to spend more time with my boys. And that’s where the tension sits, like I’m being pulled in two completely different directions.
What Jessie helped me see is something I hadn't really realised before. That feeling of needing to keep pushing, that pressure I put on myself, it's not a sign that I need to do more. It's a sign of my thinking. Old patterns stepping back in. I grew up believing you should work hard. It came from a good place, and in many ways it’s shaped who I am. But sometimes that belief, that familiar pattern of thinking, gets loud. It becomes relentless. It creates pressure that doesn't actually support me. And just because a thought feels familiar doesn't mean it's true. And it definitely doesn't mean it's helpful.
I notice I can sometimes slip into the belief that the best thing I can do is shut myself away, cut out all distractions and just focus on getting everything done. It feels sensible, productive, even responsible in the moment. But if I’m really honest with myself, I know that's not what actually helps me. I know that when Monday comes around I’ll want to go into the office, I’ll want to see the receptionist, I’ll want those small moments of connection. I know I’ll want to go to my morning PT session because it makes me feel better.
So that voice telling me I should isolate myself and push through as much as possible isn't wisdom. It's just a loud convincing thought creating more pressure and more stress, exactly what I don't need. And there's another layer to it as well. That deal I make with myself that says if I just get everything done then I'll feel okay. If I get on top of work I'll feel better. If I catch up on the housework I'll feel better. If I tick enough things off the list then I can relax.
But that feeling never comes from ticking everything off. Because there's always something else to do. Another thing to fix. Another task to complete. It's not about getting to some point where everything is done so I can finally feel okay. It's about realising I'm allowed to feel okay now, without having to earn it first. Letting those unhelpful thoughts pass instead of gripping them.
When I start to feel stressed or overwhelmed now I'm learning to see it differently. Not as a sign to push harder, but as a signal that something in my thinking is off. That an old pattern is taking over again. The hard part is how convincing those thoughts can be. Lately they've been really loud. They sound true. They tell me to keep going even when I'm exhausted. But underneath all that noise there's a quieter voice that knows what I actually need. My inner wisdom. And that's the one I'm learning to listen to more. The one that reminds me to slow down, to rest, and to be present.
Yesterday I felt pretty overwhelmed. I felt really tired, and wasn't sure if I was coming down with something. But my head was full of everything I needed to do and it all felt like too much at once. And I guess that's what overwhelm is, right? Thinking about too much at once. Feeling like you have to do everything right now. But you can only ever do one thing at a time. That's how we are made. No wonder it feels really heavy when your mind is trying to carry everything at once.
So in my session we wrote it all down. Every single thing that was in my head. And almost immediately it felt lighter. It wasn't all swirling around up there anymore. I split it into what was urgent and what wasn't and suddenly it felt manageable again. Just one thing at a time.
And today feels different. I feel calmer. I've slowed down. I'm spending the day seeing family and baking scones with the boys. I wouldn't exactly call myself a great baker so we'll see how they turn out but that's not really the point. The point is being here. Being present. Not carrying that pressure in my head. Maybe later I'll get a few things done. Maybe I won't. But right now I'm listening to myself more.
I think the biggest thing I've taken from this is that it's okay to feel stressed sometimes. That's part of life. But holding onto it for too long doesn't help. That's when your thoughts start going round in your head, getting louder, more convincing, more persistent. The old beliefs. The noise. So instead of pushing harder I'm learning to slow down. To give myself space. To notice when those old patterns show up and remind myself that I don't have to believe every thought that comes into my head.
So don't carry the glass of water around with you. Put it down. Because even if carrying it feels sensible and feels like the right thing to do, it's just thoughts talking, being loud and convincing. Old patterns showing up.
Slow down. Put the glass down and listen to yourself. đź©·
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