Yesterday, I had a big emotional reaction to something and wrote about it here. In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t write blog posts when I’m overtired and in my feelings. But that was how I felt in the moment. I’m human.

After a much better night’s sleep and a day spent with friends and family, I feel clearer. With a little distance, I can see that I took something personally when I didn’t need to. When I try and see things from this person's perspective, it’s clear that what I was told is actually a positive thing for them.

I suppose I was being selfish. What was said triggered a feeling, and that feeling lingered longer than it needed to because my thoughts kept looping around in my head. Now, with a clearer mind, I can see that I should be happy for them.

But today also got me thinking about friendships - probably because I met a couple of friends for coffee this morning, and they very kindly gave me birthday gifts (no, I’m not saying how old I am). We laughed, caught up, and it grounded me. It reminded me how much genuine connection matters.

Good friendships matter. Friends who check in on you, who notice when you’re not quite yourself, who make sure you’re okay. Friends you can laugh with, forget about life with for a moment, and also sit with in the hard stuff. Friends you can be honest with without filters, fear or judgement.

I feel grateful for my friends. And while some of the most meaningful friendships of your life may still be ahead of you, it’s important to appreciate the ones you already have. There’s no age limit on connection. You can build deep, meaningful friendships at any stage of life. You deserve friends who see you, support you, and genuinely care about you.

I’ve said this before, but it’s worth repeating: when you live in line with your values, you naturally start attracting people who share them. When you live authentically and stay open, the right people tend to find their way into your life. Friendships rooted in mutual respect, encouragement, and care are amazing.They don’t just positively impact your life, they also affect those around you.

Recently, I listened to a podcast with Danielle Bayard Jackson on female friendships. She spoke about three key elements: symmetry, support, and secrecy. What it made me think about was this idea that many friendship struggles come down to perception. The stories we tell ourselves. The assumptions we make without checking them. Feeling unsupported, less important, or left out, often without ever saying a word.

Overthinking can quietly damage good friendships. Thoughts like “Why didn’t they tell me that?”, “Am I more invested in this than they are?”, or “Why wasn’t I invited?” If we’re not careful, those thoughts create distance where none was ever intended. Often, a simple, honest conversation is all it takes to clear things up.

A close friend once shared something deeply personal with me. Days later, she apologised for oversharing, worried I might judge her. That fear came entirely from her own mind. I was just grateful she trusted me. I told her that I would never judge her or repeat what she shared. We ended up having one of those slightly sentimental moments where you both realise how thankful you are to have found each other. I guess it reminded me how powerful safe connection really is.

I’ve also had to be honest with myself: I’ve let overthinking get in the way of building deeper friendships. I’m not a perfect friend, none of us are (maybe somewhere out there, someone is). But we can all be better if we keep communication open, stay honest, and stop living trapped in our own heads.

Last year, I convinced myself I was better off doing everything alone. Head down. Work hard. Protect my family at all costs. But that mindset wasn’t strength, it was isolation. It was unhealthy. And because of it, I didn’t help a friend sort out her pensions when I should have. I got caught up in work, and because she didn’t explicitly ask again, I left it. That wasn’t being a good friend. 

Friendships are incredibly important. And yes, there will be times when friends disappoint you, and times when you disappoint them. Often, it comes down to expectations, many of which remain unspoken. But honesty softens those edges. Communication gives relationships room to breathe. It allows us to meet each other where we are, instead of where our anxious thoughts tell us we should be.

Working with Jessie has helped me notice this. I feel more open, less trapped in my own head. I’m learning to check in on people without overthinking it, to act from my inner knowing rather than fear, and to enjoy connection instead of analysing it to death. 

And one person doesn’t have to be everything. You might have one friend you trust with your deepest secrets, another you laugh with endlessly, another you walk or exercise with. Friendships aren’t meant to be perfect. They ebb and flow. They shift with seasons of life. But if you allow space for honesty, grace, and flexibility, they don’t have to end just because life gets busy.

Something I found reassuring recently is this: research shows that both women and men replace around half of their friends every seven years. When I first heard that, it felt comforting. It reminds us that friendships changing doesn’t mean you’ve failed or done something wrong. It usually means you’re growing. Your values evolve, your life shifts, and naturally, the people you connect with change too.

Some friends are meant for a season, and that doesn’t make them any less meaningful. They gave you energy, support, or joy at a time when you needed it. They’re part of your story. And there are always new friendships ahead of you. You might meet some of your closest friends in the next five, ten, or fifteen years - if you stay open to the possibility. When we resign ourselves to believing that life will always look the way it does now, we close the door before anything new has a chance to enter.

It’s sad how easily we can become discouraged by past friendship experiences, by moments where we felt hurt, misunderstood, or let down. Often, those hurts weren’t caused by bad intentions, but by a lack of honest communication, unspoken expectations, or stories we built in our own minds. And when those experiences stack up, it can feel safer to withdraw.

But the truth is, we need more trust. We need more community. Personal friendships matter deeply, real connection matters. Turning towards each other instead of away from each other matters. Choosing compassion, understanding, and encouragement is something fully within our control, and it’s how better friendships are built.

The connection you deserve - and the connection society desperately needs - happens one person at a time. It’s not something you wait for; it’s something you create. And yes, it takes courage. Sometimes it’s as simple as saying, “I really enjoy getting to know you. Every time we talk, I learn more about you, and I value that.” Those small moments of openness can change everything.

Allowing yourself to invite the love and friendship of other women - especially if you’ve been hurt by female friendships in the past - can be really healing. It gives you the chance to rewrite old stories and to see that women can be compassionate, supportive, gracious, and strong. Trying again takes bravery, but it also opens the door to something beautiful.

And the hopeful thing is this: you could meet one of your closest friends in the next five, ten, or fifteen years. That possibility is real, but only if you stay open to it. There is always room for new connection, deeper understanding, and unexpected joy.

So maybe the invitation is this: don’t close yourself off because of what once hurt. Stay open. Stay curious. Keep choosing connection. Because meaningful friendships are still ahead of you, and they’re worth the courage it takes to try again. 🩷