This week, I had every intention of writing about building wealth, freedom, and choices. But life, as it often does, had other plans.

While catching up with a friend over coffee, my attention was drawn to a mum at a nearby table. She was juggling a crying toddler, trying to feed her, and somehow managing to keep her from darting off.

In that moment, a flood of memories from my early days of parenting came rushing back. It was like I was constantly firefighting - except the fires were tantrums, spills, and the never-ending chorus of “Mum!” By the end of each day, I was completely drained, asking myself: Who am I anymore?

Parenting Young Kids Can Make You Lose Yourself

One minute, you're you - a person with dreams, passions, and a little space to breathe. The next, you're thrust into survival mode: feeding, cleaning, entertaining... and then doing it all over again. Day after day, your needs quietly slip to the bottom of the list.

When I became a mum, I didn’t just lose sleep - I lost myself. My confidence, my sense of worth, my identity - everything seemed to fade into the background. I found myself questioning:

• Am I good enough?

• What value am I adding?

• What happened to the person I used to be?  

   

Suddenly, I wasn’t “Sarah” anymore. I was “Mum.” And let’s be honest - once you’re a parent, people barely remember your real name. I became “Noah and Flynn’s mum.”

I loved my boys fiercely, but somewhere along the way, I’d lost touch with who I was. Sleepless nights made everything harder. Self-doubt crept in, and I felt stuck in a cycle I couldn’t escape.

The first year of motherhood? Pure survival. After taking a year off, I went back to work part-time, only for the office to shut down shortly after due to a takeover. By the time my boys were 18 months old, I’d started a new job in Guildford.

The commute often took over an hour, and remote work wasn’t an option. My days quickly became a blur:

1. Drop the boys off at nursery.

2. Commute.

3. Work a full day.

4. Race back to pick them up before 6 p.m.

    

On top of that, I was studying for exams, trying to keep the house in order, and we were barely scraping by financially - childcare ate up most of our income.

Eventually, it all caught up with me.

I remember sitting in my GP’s office, utterly drained. She gently suggested I take time off work and even offered to write me a sick note. But I refused.

Why? Because I was terrified. I thought, What if no one hires me again if they see I’ve taken time off for stress or depression?

Looking back, I know how irrational that fear was. I should have taken the time to recover. But back then, I convinced myself that everyone else was managing just fine. And because I wasn’t, I felt like I was failing - not just as a mum, but as a person.

The Invisible Identity Crisis

Losing yourself isn’t unique to parenthood. Experts say it can happen during any major life transition - changing careers, ending a relationship, or moving to a new place. These shifts can shake the very foundation of who you are and how you see yourself.

For me, it hit hardest when I became a mum. The experience was isolating and all-consuming, like being stuck on a treadmill that never slowed down.

Some mums find their support systems in NCT groups or baby classes, but that wasn’t my experience. The boys didn’t sleep properly for the first eight months, and I was barely functioning. I remember once trying to find a baby group, getting completely lost, and just turning around to go home. Even leaving the house felt like a military operation: packing nappies, bottles, wipes... it took 30 minutes of prep for a 10-minute outing.

It was exhausting. And lonely.

Finding Yourself Again

Here’s the thing - it’s easy to lose yourself in the chaos, but it’s absolutely possible to find your way back. The real you? She’s still there, hidden beneath the layers of toddler snacks and constant cries for attention.

Step 1: Write Down What You Love About Yourself

This might feel weird, but trust me, it helps. Write down five things you love about yourself. Take 10 minutes, grab a pen, and just start. And I’m talking about you, not the “Mum” version.

The first time I did this with a client, she said it was the hardest thing I’d asked her to do. But once she got started, her list grew far beyond five.

When was the last time you took a moment to really think about what makes you unique and the positive things about yourself? Writing them down can be powerful. You don’t need to wait for someone else to tell you the good things about you - you already know there are amazing qualities in you. So grab that pen and start writing your list. You'll be surprised by what you discover.

Step 2: Find Your Peace

Take a moment to think about what truly brings you peace - those activities or moments that make you feel lighter and more like yourself. It could be curling up with a good book, going for a walk in nature, soaking in a relaxing bath, or simply enjoying a few quiet moments alone. There’s no right or wrong here - just focus on what feels right for you.

Step 3: Make Space for You

Once you’ve identified what brings you peace, try to incorporate these moments into your daily routine. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture - just small, consistent actions that remind you of who you are beyond “Mum.”

I know many mums feel guilty about taking time for themselves, but it’s essential. Self-care and self-love aren’t just good for you - they positively impact everyone around you, especially your children. By making time for yourself, you’ll feel more balanced, more centred, and more like the person you are meant to be. Everyone benefits.

You’re Still in There

Parenthood is a beautiful, messy, all-consuming ride. But it doesn’t have to mean losing yourself completely. The person you were before kids? She’s still in there, waiting to be rediscovered.

So take a deep breath, give yourself some grace, and remember: you’ve got this. 💕