Okay, so today is Monday the 20th (though I guess this will be posted on Friday). Yep, I know - this is starting to sound like a sober diary. But here I am. 18 days sober today - well, technically my app says I’ve completed 17 full days, so I’m in day 18 now… if that makes any sense at all!

My body’s been a little unpredictable lately. Yesterday, I couldn’t nap at all, even though I’d barely slept the night before. Then at night, I wasn’t tired - just irritable. I’m not great on little sleep; everything feels harder to handle. I was worried I’d be wide awake all night, but luckily I got some decent rest. It took a while to drift off, but I only woke up once and managed to get back to sleep. I'm pretty relieved to be honest.

I learned that sleep can get pretty disrupted when you stop drinking. Alcohol is a depressant, which means it slows down your central nervous system and creates that sedated, drowsy feeling. Over time, your brain adapts to this by working harder to stay alert, almost like it’s trying to balance things out.

So when you suddenly remove alcohol, your body loses that chemical “off switch.” Your brain, now overstimulated, goes into overdrive - which can lead to restlessness, vivid dreams, racing thoughts, or frequent waking during the night. Basically, your sleep cycle is trying to reset itself after being artificially sedated for so long.

If I’m honest, at one point (Sunday evening to be exact) I thought, “What’s the point? Stopping drinking is just making me more anxious, and I can’t sleep properly.” Yeah, I was irritable and sleep-deprived, and I just thought it would be easier to have a few drinks at night and actually get some rest. But, of course, that wasn’t rational - well, it wasn’t at all. I told you I'm not very good on little sleep! And no, I didn’t give in and have a drink - I was just being overly dramatic and irritable about the whole thing.

I guess the thing to remember is that it's temporary. Reading about it helped me put it in perspective: a few weeks of rough sleep is nothing compared to the long-term benefits. Sure, it was a little scary to read that some people experience sleep problems for months, but you just have to remind yourself why you're doing it in the first place. There are no instant fixes - even though we live in a world that conditions us to want things immediately. You just have to ride it out and trust that it will get better.

Despite a foggy start, Monday ended up being productive. I tackled some long-overdue life admin, including booking a private ENT appointment. I’ve been on the NHS waiting list forever, so I've just decided to go private. It took ten minutes, and now I’ve got an appointment in two days. One less thing on my to-do list!

I wrapped up the evening with a spin class. Remember after the first few days of sobriety, I was all like, “I have so much energy!” Lately, that energy seems to have gone somewhere, and I’ve been feeling tired. I wouldn’t mind a bit of that buzz back… but honestly, all I really want is to sleep well. So for now, I’m embracing the slower, chilled vibe and trusting that my body will catch up once my sleep settles.

Tuesday Thoughts: Tired but Okay

Now it’s Tuesday, and honestly, I’m just… tired. Not the bone-deep, can’t-function kind of tired - just regular, manageable tiredness. If last night’s anything to go by, my sleep seems to be improving. For years, I ran on caffeine during the day and alcohol in the evenings, so I guess my body is just adjusting to this new normal. I can’t expect to feel good all the time. I’m drinking less coffee and skipping alcohol at night, and my body is basically going, “Wait, what just happened?” So yeah, things feel a bit off at the moment, but I know it’s all part of the process.

At lunchtime, I did a core class. I haven’t done an exercise class (other than spin) in ages. And, yep, my abs were definitely not ready. But for some reason it reminded me how important it is to reconnect with your body. I only really started paying attention to that a couple of years ago, when I went a bit overboard trying different exercises - which is funny because I usually feel completely out of my depth with new classes. To be fair, some I only tried once. Pilates, though, was the one where I really felt the benefits - not just physically, but in terms of connecting with myself and learning to listen to my body. I didn’t stick with it for long, but it did make a difference. Maybe it’s time to give it another go. Someone at the office recommended a Pilates instructor on YouTube, so I think I’ll try it - even if it’s just for 10 minutes a day.

Right now, I feel a bit flat emotionally - not in a bad way, just… tired. But today, I don’t feel anxious; I actually feel pretty calm. During the core class, I felt a bit lost, like I had no idea what I was doing - but that’s normal when you try something new, right? I remember the first time I did Body Combat, I had no clue what I was doing either, and it only clicked after about the tenth class. Coordination has never been my strong point, okay? But maybe that’s the point - just start somewhere and take it one step at a time.

Slowing Down

Lately, I’ve noticed myself slowing down a bit. Part of me feels guilty - like I should be doing more, being more productive, ticking off every box. But another part of me is saying, “Sarah, just take some time for yourself. Just a few days to slow down. To breathe. To let your body and mind catch up.”

After years of numbing, rushing, and running on fumes, maybe slowing down is actually the most productive thing I can do right now. And maybe it’s okay for you to slow down too - to pause, reflect, and recharge. 🩷