So… big news.

I’ve gone sober. Like, properly sober.

Finally, right? Honestly, I was starting to think this day might never come.

Apparently, it takes most people around two years from deciding to cut down to actually quitting properly - and the average person “fails” four or five times before it sticks. Let’s just say I’ve probably failed more times than average. But this time… something feels different. I really think this might be it.

Why This Time Feels Different

Sometimes, I think real change doesn’t happen when you try to force it - it happens when you’re actually ready. Deep down, there’s this quiet certainty that whispers, “Okay, Sarah, this time it’s real.” I can’t exactly explain it, but I feel it - finally.

For me, it’s been a bit of a process. Over the past few months, I’d started cutting back on drinking, but I was still drinking more than I should. I’d usually wake up feeling fine, but as the day went on, that sluggish, “off” feeling would creep in. Eventually, I realised it just wasn’t serving me anymore. It wasn’t helping me - it was holding me back.

Deep down, I’ve known for ages that I should stop. But it’s only now that I’ve really hit that enough is enough moment. I can’t quite tell you why this time feels different - I just know that it does.

The Pattern I Didn’t See

Looking back, the reasons I’ve been drinking have changed a lot over the years.

When I was younger, drinking was mostly social - going out, trying to feel confident, quieting that little voice of social anxiety in my head (you know the one), and just trying to fit in. That was pretty normal for a long time, from my teens through university and into my late twenties. Back then, alcohol was my way of finding confidence, a way to make socialising feel a little easier.

I can’t remember exactly when it became an evening-at-home habit, but when COVID hit, it definitely escalated. At first, it was just a way to break up the day and relax a little. Somehow, though, it crept into every night. I built up a tolerance - or maybe my baseline just shifted. I could drink a bottle of wine in the evening and barely feel it the next day. Or at least, that’s what I thought.

Over time, it became more than just unwinding. I was drinking to keep pushing myself. I’d fuel myself with coffee all day to get as much done as possible, then switch to alcohol at night to artificially “keep going.” What started as relaxation became a productivity hack - caffeine to drive energy, alcohol to force me through evening work.

Day Ten (And Counting)

So here I am - day ten. And honestly? I feel proud of myself. I don’t usually say that, but I’m seriously so damn proud that I’ve not had a drink for ten whole days. Like, genuinely proud. This is the longest I’ve gone since Covid, and I can actually feel the difference.

The fog has lifted. My mind feels clearer. I’ve got more energy. And I’m no longer running on ridiculous amounts of coffee just to get through the day (don’t get me wrong - I still love my coffee, just… less of it).

What’s Helping

I can’t remember if I mentioned it, but I’ve been using this sober app. Every night, I read people’s stories - their wins, their slips, their progress - and check my own stats. I even open it first thing in the morning. Basically, anytime I’d normally end up mindlessly scrolling, I go there instead.

It actually helps. There are little reminders like “No one ever regrets becoming sober,” and posts from people who’ve fallen back to day one, with others jumping in to lift them up. And then there are the ones who say it’s too hard, that they want to give in - and someone further along replies, “Stay with it. It gets better.”

And it’s true - it really does get better. And when you get there… my god, it’s so damn worth it. And this is coming from someone who is only on day ten.

Day three was rough. I was grumpy, tired, and craving that evening drink. But by day six, something shifted. My mind felt a lot clearer and my mood improved. I still think about drinking in the evenings - but I don’t act on it anymore. Because now I know it’s just not worth it. I don’t want to mess with how good I’m finally starting to feel.

I noticed another shift around day nine (Saturday). I went to the gym in the morning and felt like I had more energy - like I could push myself again in a way I haven’t for a while. I think it takes time for your body to adapt to this new normal, and it’s different for everyone. But as the days go on, you start to feel and see more of the benefits. Even the small ones make a difference.

Building a New Routine

Most mornings, I try to get a bit of exercise in, then spend about 15-20 minutes just being present with myself. Nothing fancy - just sitting quietly, practicing a bit of self-compassion, thinking about everything I’m grateful for, and setting my intentions for the day. It’s simple, but it makes a difference to my day, even if just a little.

And in the evenings? Yeah, I’m definitely eating too much sugar. But I’m giving myself grace. You can’t get diabetes in two weeks, right? 

For now, I’m just focused on one thing: staying sober. That's it.

My food choices haven’t been the healthiest lately, but I’ve told myself that’s okay - it’s temporary. Right now, my full focus is just on not drinking. Everything else can wait.

Because this is what matters most. I know deep down that getting sober will make the biggest difference in my life - more than any diet, workout, or morning routine ever could. So I’m putting all my energy into that.

Trusting the Process

I do wonder when I’ll stop thinking about drinking in the evenings - surely that fades, right? I never used to think about it like this. But I’m trusting that it’ll pass.

So for now, I’m staying connected - using my sober app, checking in with myself, and taking it one day at a time. If you’re trying to make a change too, it’s okay to focus on just one thing at a time. Surround yourself with others who are on the same path - even if it’s just an app - it makes a difference. 🩷