Okay, I just need to get this out there because… well, I just drank an energy drink. Yeah, I know. Not something I usually do. But today, I thought, “This will make me work faster!” You know, get a load of tasks ticked off the list.

Keep in mind, I’d already had about four cups of coffee today. And I think this energy drink might have finally pushed me over the edge.

Is it just me, or is coffee basically life? I’ve been trying to cut back for a while, but my body refuses. We have this unbreakable bond - tighter than I ever imagined possible. Coffee and me? We’re basically glued together.

Honestly, if I didn’t drink coffee, I’d be permanently horizontal. Like, lying down all day, every day. It’s coffee that keeps me upright, functioning, and, well… semi-human. It’s my lifeline. Other people are two-thirds water, but I’m two-thirds coffee - and instead of fighting it, I’m just rolling with it now. I honestly can’t imagine what would happen if coffee suddenly disappeared from the earth. There’d be a full-blown crisis and I’d fear for everyone around me.

But this energy drink? Yeah, I think it’s finally tipped me over.

At this point, I’m pretty sure my eyeballs are vibrating in their sockets. I can see inside out through time. I glanced at the clock and somehow knew what I’m doing next week, last year, and in some alternate universe where I’m actually organised.

With this much caffeine pumping through my veins, I’ve come to a very serious conclusion: the planets are all wrong. Who decided Mercury should be that close to the sun? Pluto’s still crashing the party even though science kicked it out, and Uranus? Well, it’s basically the cosmic joke no one asked for.

I’m seriously thinking about rearranging the whole solar system. Maybe stick Mars next to Venus so they can finally sort out their issues, or give Jupiter a timeout. I’m winging it, but hey - someone’s got to fix the universe.

And once I’m done with that, I’m off to space - because obviously caffeine can fuel a rocket now. If you don’t hear from me again, just know I’m probably orbiting somewhere, clutching a cup of cosmic espresso, contemplating life, and wondering if aliens have good taste in coffee.

Good night, good morning, happy 2034, and thanks for listening....I mean reading. 😵‍💫