You know how they always say you have to love yourself first? And you’re like… okay, great, but how do I actually do that?

For a long time, I thought self-love was something you had to earn. Something you got by being better, doing more, getting it right. But here’s what I’m learning: self-love doesn’t come from trying harder. It comes from listening deeper.

It starts when you stop living entirely inside your thoughts - the beliefs you’ve picked up, the stories you’ve carried, the expectations you absorbed without even realising it. Who you should be, how you should show up, what makes you worthy… most of that noise isn’t even yours. And when you live from it, it quietly disconnects you - from yourself, and from others.

Because how can you truly love yourself when you don’t even know who you are beneath all that noise? When you quiet those thoughts enough to hear your deeper inner knowing (that calm, steady inner wisdom) you remember something simple and powerful: because you’re human, you are innately deserving of love and belonging. Full stop. You don’t have to prove it. You don’t have to earn it.

That’s where self-love begins. Not as a concept, but as trust. And until you love yourself in that way, it’s almost impossible to truly love someone else. Not in a deep, grounded, authentic way. How can you really see someone else for everything they are if you can’t even see yourself for who you truly are?

When we don’t trust ourselves, we connect from fear. From approval. From overthinking. We second-guess what we feel, what we need, what’s right for us. And those connections, no matter how well-intentioned, stay on the surface.

When you live from your authentic self - when your words and actions reflect your values - that energy radiates. You start attracting people who feel aligned. People with similar values. Similar energy. And those connections feel deeper. Safer. More meaningful. Because now, you’re not connecting through fear or expectation. You’re connecting from truth.

When people only connect through their thoughts (you know, those red scribbles buzzing above their heads), they never truly meet each other. They don’t see who the other person really is, or what they care about at their core. But when you know yourself (beneath the noise) you allow yourself to be truly seen. And that’s where real connection begins.

Living guided by your true self allows you to love without losing yourself. To choose connection without self-betrayal. To trust that simply being you is enough. To show up fully, without filters, without apology, and to see others for who they truly are, on a deeper, more authentic level.

You’re not here to shrink or censor yourself to fit someone else’s story. You’re here to show up as your full, brilliant self - and to invite others to do the same. And when you do that - when you finally come home to yourself - love stops feeling heavy. It stops being a struggle or a performance. It starts feeling like freedom. 🩷