Can I ask you for one small favour? Like… really small, but hugely important?

You know that never-ending to-do list you carry around in your head - the one filled with work deadlines, school runs, appointments, birthday parties, parents’ evenings, washing, cleaning, homework, food shopping and all the invisible jobs no one else ever seems to notice? I want you to add one thing to that list. You. Not at the bottom. Not as a “maybe, if I get time.” At the very top. I’m serious.

So many of us (especially women) have learned to build our lives around everyone else first. When you have a family, children, ageing parents, a job and a home, your list doesn’t shrink… it only grows. And somewhere along the way, you quietly disappear from it. I see this all the time, particularly with women in their 40s and 50s. Many of us were raised by women who were the first generation to really have careers while raising families at the same time. They were expected to just get on with it, without much support or space for themselves. My mum did exactly that. She worked, raised a family, and carried a lot on her own, but she put herself last. There never really seemed to be time for her hobbies, for rest or for things she simply enjoyed. And slowly, without anyone saying it out loud, the message sinks in that putting yourself first must be selfish.

But what I’ve learned is that this simply isn’t true. Your well-being is not a luxury, it is the foundation that everything else in your life is built on. When you are constantly running on empty, everything feels harder. Work becomes more stressful, your patience is thinner, your energy is lower and even small problems can feel overwhelming. But when your well-being improves, even slightly, something shifts. Your children benefit. Your relationships feel lighter. You cope better. You feel calmer and more open, and you become more able to ask for, and accept, support. Life doesn’t suddenly become easy, but it does become easier.

I really believe this, and I’m learning it myself too. I now protect time for things that are just for me - exercise, audiobooks, spending time with friends and doing things I actually want to do, not just what needs to be done. It matters far more than I ever realised. Connection, movement and time that belongs to you have a direct impact on your health. They reduce stress, improve your mood and help you cope with the world instead of constantly bracing yourself against it.

So this may be a short reminder, but it’s an important one. Putting your well-being first is not selfish. It is responsible. It’s how your family gets the best of you, not what is left of you. It’s how your work benefits. It’s how your life becomes more sustainable. So please, put yourself at the top of your to-do list. Not someday. Not when everything else is finished. At the top. That one really is non-negotiable. 🩷