I don’t know about you, but when I was younger, I honestly thought that by the time I hit 40, I’d have life all figured out. A house. A family. A high-flying career. That magical sense that everything was finally sorted. Life would be smooth. Simple. Grand.

What an absolute load of rubbish.

That’s the story we were sold. The narrative we were handed as kids. The checklist: Meet someone, fall in love, have kids, land the dream job, buy a house, climb the ladder, and voilà - success.

Only now, after actually living through a fair bit of life, do I realise how misleading - no, how damaging - that story really is.

Because that version of life? It’s not the norm. It’s not a rulebook. And it’s definitely not what happiness looks like.

Why were we taught that success meant a mortgage, a spouse, and a six-figure salary? Why were we made to believe that if we hadn’t ticked all those boxes by a certain age, we were falling behind?

And where were the other stories?

The ones about divorce. About getting ill. About losing a job. Caring for someone. Starting over. Struggling, surviving, shifting gears.

Where were those narratives, eh?

I’ll tell you what the story we were fed does: it breeds shame.

It makes people feel like failures for not having it all together when they hit 30. It makes people question their worth when they’re 40 and barely staying afloat. It convinces them they’re the only ones struggling - while everyone else has it all figured out.

But guess what I've learned by living in the real world, life doesn’t work like that. 

Life is unpredictable. Messy. Heartbreaking. Jobs are lost. Plans fall apart. People get sick. Relationships end. Dreams shift. Priorities change.

And sometimes, you find yourself in a season - or a whole damn decade - that looks nothing like the one you imagined.

And that’s okay. That’s not failure. That’s life.

Recently, I’ve spoken to several people in mid-life who feel ashamed and embarrassed about their financial situation.

Life threw them curveballs - illness, job loss, unexpected responsibilities - and now they’re in debt or struggling just to get by.

Maybe they don’t own the house they thought they would by now. Maybe they’re living pay cheque to pay cheque, quietly panicking.

People don’t talk about money - not because it’s rare to struggle, but because they think they’re the only ones. There’s so much shame wrapped up in it, like struggling means you’ve somehow failed. And no one really talks about money honestly. We don’t hear about the messy, stressful, everyday realities. We hear the “I was once in debt, now I’m thriving” success stories. But if more people knew how common this really is - how many others are quietly carrying the same weight - they wouldn’t feel so alone.

Your financial situation isn’t a measure of your worth. It’s a reflection of your journey - what you’ve been through, how you’ve adapted, and the resilience it’s taken to keep going.

It's no surprise so many people walk around feeling like they’ve failed - when really, they’ve just been surviving the best they can.

I remember just before I turned 40, I had what I can only describe as a wobble. That deep, quiet panic that whispers: You should have done more by now. I sat in my dented 11-year-old car with my friend, the front window completely steamed up - I couldn’t even see out. I lived in a modest terraced house (still do). At the time, Luke had been diagnosed with cancer and couldn’t work. I wasn’t earning any money either - waiting for my company to get authorised by the FCA. We were living off savings and a critical illness payout, which we knew wouldn’t last forever.

I didn’t imagine that when I was younger. I didn’t think 40 would feel like holding my breath.

But you know what?

That experience didn’t make me a failure. It was just life - messy, unpredictable, real. But did I feel like a failure, compared to the image I clung to when I was younger? Of course I did.

But I’m done with that now. Done chasing some unrealistic ideal of a “perfect life.” Because honestly? It was never real to begin with - and it’s absolute rubbish.

So here’s what I say: rip up the rulebook. Burn the “life plan” someone else handed you. Stop measuring your worth against outdated timelines and glossy Instagram milestones.

Because that blueprint? It was never yours to begin with.

You get to decide what's meaningful to you. You get to take detours. You get to begin again, as many times as you need.

Life doesn’t always look the way you thought it would - and that’s perfectly okay.

Forget the crap you were fed.

Live your life - messy, beautiful, and uniquely yours.

On your terms. In your own way. ✨