Someone said something to me recently that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about.

They told me they felt like they’d wasted five years of their life because their relationship ended.

At the time, I didn’t say anything. I just listened. But I kept going over it in my head:

Was it really a waste of five years?

No. It wasn’t. Of course it wasn’t. (You agree, right?)

I guess it's a really common feeling - when a relationship ends, it’s easy to look back at all the time and effort you gave and feel like it was for nothing. It can be painful to realise that something you hoped would last didn’t. But calling it a “waste” isn't fair - to the experience, or to yourself.

Because you do learn from every relationship. You learn about the kind of people who make you feel calm, supported, and understood - and the ones who leave you drained, unsure, or small. You start noticing how people affect your energy, your peace, your sense of self.

And it doesn’t always happen straight away. Especially not in the early stages, when emotions are running high. Sometimes it takes time - and even distance - to see things clearly. But eventually, you do. You start to understand what mattered. What didn’t. What it all showed you.

You start to see that the person wasn’t who you thought they were. Maybe they were even toxic. But you know what? You can learn from that. And you learn a lot about yourself, too - because you're not perfect either. None of us are.

Through it all, you figure out what you truly value. What you’re willing to compromise on. What you absolutely won’t.

For me, I’ve come to understand how important it is to feel emotionally safe - and to be around people who genuinely support and understand me.

And I don’t just mean romantic relationships. Friendships, too. Sometimes we hold on to certain people out of history, habit, or comfort. But over time, it becomes clearer who’s good for us - and who, quietly and unintentionally, isn’t.

That doesn’t make them bad people. And it doesn’t make you wrong for feeling that way, either. It just means they’re not right for where you are in your life right now. And that’s okay.

The more I think about it, the more I realise how often we label something a “waste” just because it didn’t last. We treat endings like failures. But they’re not. Sure, they can be frustrating, and yeah, you might feel like absolute rubbish for a while - but endings are part of the process. They shape us. They give us clarity.

Some things - and some people - are only meant to be in your life for a short period of time. And that doesn’t make them any less meaningful. It doesn’t mean they didn’t matter. They were there to teach you something - about life, about yourself. 

I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned this before in a previous post, but I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason. When you view life through that lens, it becomes easier to let go of what isn’t meant for you. You start to trust that life will guide you to what truly belongs in your story - whether it’s just for a short time or for a lifetime.

Of course, I forget this sometimes too. But lately, learning to let thoughts come and go has really helped. That idea of not needing to have everything figured out - just letting life guide me, even when I don’t know exactly where I’m headed - has made it easier to let go. Easier to move toward the people and experiences that feel right for me now, at this time of my life.

Even in other areas - careers, projects, things we gave our time to that didn’t work out - it’s easy to feel regret. But that time wasn’t meaningless. You weren’t standing still. You were learning. You now know more than you did before. You understand yourself better. So that's not a waste.

I came across a quote a while ago that said something along the lines of:

“If you knew you had to fail 11 times before reaching your goal, how quickly would you try to get through those 11 failures?”

I love that. It reminds us that perfection is just an illusion - a load of rubbish, really. What we actually grow from are the failures, the setbacks, the tough stuff. From the person who turned out to be nothing like you thought - someone who may have even tried to bring you down. From the moments that left you on your knees, questioning everything. And still - you got through it.

So yes, keep pushing through the hard moments. Learn from everyone you meet - the ones who lift you up, and the ones who don’t. It’s okay. Stop being so hard on yourself. Stop thinking everything has to be flawless. That’s nonsense. Failure teaches you things success never could. The toughest lessons often come from when things don’t go according to plan.

Whether it’s a relationship, a friendship, or a job, when something ends, it doesn’t mean the time was wasted. It’s not hitting reset to zero. You’re starting again, yes - but this time, with experience, clarity, and a better understanding of yourself and what you truly need. And also of other people.

That time changed you. It moved you forward.

Even if it didn’t end the way you hoped - it still mattered. 🩷